2021: the Sequel to the Nightmare 

    Welcome to the new year. It is a time to get things going for the new year. Namely the things that I like to call the creative endeavors. I also want to get my WARFRAME clan on a new level this year. I plan to push them to some degree but I also don't want to push them too hard. I am on the verge of some ideas for the clan on the long term, but we're also dealing with an extenuating circumstance regarding the state of the world. I would be foolish not to consider that I might have to make changes that go with things in a way that I am not comfortable with.. Much like being an extrovert--

   It's been eleven years now since I had an awakening moment that was bound to define the future me for some time to come. What I didn't know, at the time, is how influential this stuff would be in my decision making for a lot of other things through the last ten years. 

Much of what I've been working on in my art has been related to a deeper understanding of the sciences and also logical debates. I had wanted to look at my art from a different perspective since I am an intuitive. It is easy for me to use my intuition and it is even easier for me to give some kind of purpose behind the little things in my art. What is hard to do is to keep the consistency throughout the work. 

    Within the first few years of my awakening process I was growing to the inner machinations of my mind and also what my subconscious had been trying to do to me most of my life. This was after all the drug use and all the strange experimentation I was doing on my mind, so to speak. It really wasn't the greatest time in my life. I would characterize the experience as lessons in futility; my immaturity was a product of my youth. 

I had just come out of a serious relationship at the time. There was some other problems on the horizon to face in those years such as switching where I lived and also where I worked. Then there was the many complications to face with the political sphere and also life situations related to family and the like. 

   At that time I hadn't really made any concrete decisions about what I wanted to do or what I thought about life so far. There were the generalities of religious doctrine governing my conclusions on things and also my intellectual consensus on scientific principles.. But it just wasn't the same as what I'm going through right now. I'm sure that in the next ten years, if I survive, I'll feel a similar thing about how I am as of writing this. 

I've more of this feeling that what I'm seeing in the world today reflect a lot of what I'm going to be seeing in the next ten years. What I've been warning friends about is coming true and I'm feeling more and more vindicated about having been into so many conspiracy theories. But in the end I wasn't the one going around telling everyone about what I found. Mostly because it was just too outlandish for me too. How in the world could I articulate something that I couldn't quite prove? But that's ok.. I've learned a few lessons from that whole experience. It makes a difference that I was a believing Christian in my early years before I got to the point of apologetics. After all.. Having to explain why you think what you believe is right is much harder than just saying there's something you believe in. 

Hope in what Future?

    This one needs to be addressed seriously. After all, it was a driving point I was making in the video I said I would explain the other side with here. And this is the bigger problem I'm seeing with the world; as a whole, with regards to what I feel is causing humanity to seem broken.

I see it as as greed and jealousy turning to hate and murder. I see a lot of hypocrisy. I see a lot of people who are willing to point a finger but not willing to lend a hand. I see a lot of rumors of war and of people fighting to the death, but I also see a lot of cowards who start fights with a mask on and blame it on innocent people. I see people starting fires in the name of peace. I see a lot of people starting political fire in the name of progress. I see a lot of destruction and barely any progress... I see a lot of people claiming there's a lot of progress and I see a lot of people hurting for the bountiful harvest supposedly out there. 

    But what I don't see is groups of people sticking it to the man with the end of a iron barrel. 
        Take that for what you will...
            I will advocate violence to protect our rights and freedoms. 

                It's why we send young men to die on foreign soil, returned in a blank box. 

I'm sick of the idea of not being able to talk because of insecurities and sensitivities. I have never had a problem with minding my words so as not to be a tool of discouragement. But I also have learned that there's no benefit to sugar-coating life. Perhaps you should with a child.. A baby.. No, an infant. Such a thing may be necessary with kids, but at what point does the responsibility fall on the adult to maintain their own integrity? What standard is good enough to uphold if adulthood is about escaping these responsibilities through trickery and manipulation?

    I'm talking this way because that's all it is anymore. This world isn't really about individual success and such a thing seems rather arbitrary any more. It's not like there's much to be discovered, since normal people are literally barred access from devices and places.. And such a thing will always be in the interest of people as long as they are treated as the arbiters of truth and justice. In fact.. I can't see this world working any other way than it is now, unless there is divine intervention. And.. I pray that someday there will be mercy with divine intervention, because wrath may be all that we're rewarded with.

        Obviously I'm not one to trust government to take care of life. I think there's some good that can come from people who want to help and are willing to correct mistakes to prevent harm coming to people. I can't say I wouldn't support it even in the mistakes.. But what utopian bull shit is this? In what fair-tale land do people actually follow the rules....? What is this lie people are shoving down their own throats just to feel good about the things they say?

Again.. Maybe I was humbled at such a young age because I am capable of understanding the importance of a haughty demeanor. After all.. It's the most shameless of people who get into a position of power and abuse it. Not something I can relate to at all... Just... I don't know what it really is that causes me to be so disagreeable.. It's just unavoidable. 

But that's just it.. I feel like the more that this invisible 'watcher' puts the squeeze on people through a digital grip of watch and tell... I'm starting to feel that insecurities are boiling over and people are starting to look towards the crazy for answers. 

What is crazy though?

Like.. Really.... What is considered too much?

2020 Was A Dumpster Fire

    I'm sure there's some people out there who feel that 2020 was just such a great year. 

    Yeah.. They will paint the picture as some grandiose experience. Shamelessly. 

Ok. Obviously most of them are just using an asinine approach to being funny. It's just that most of the comedians, who are actually funny, aren't using the negativity of 2020 to make a joke. Not unless it is about the weird behaviors that people show; such as the toilet paper shortage. 

Outside of that.. You're playing with fire. Much like mocking the victims of tragedy. 

    But here's my thing.. 

    Most people will also say to have thick skin. 

But is that the proper thing to be telling people who are offended by the lack of sympathy for tragedy? I don't think so.. Personally, my offense over any one thing isn't justification to lash out, especially with violence.. In fact, I don't regard my feelings as important enough that they should ever be considered important enough to make decisions for--be it to get me to react or get me not to feel a certain way. 

I'm of the thought type that your personal feelings really don't matter in the grand scheme of things, but it is important enough that it determines your behavior. Therefore, the essence of choice becomes critical in understanding how emotions influence an individual. 

    Have you noticed how people put a lot of importance in reactions based on etiquette? Is it coincidence that society governs behavior based on the consequences of actions as opposed to emotions? Perhaps the people who decide on things like etiquette standards in society have worked out the problem of gray areas in ethics. 

But of course.. No such etiquette committee exists; and it probably never should. 

    And this is where I have a critical thought. 

        If you're willing to mock the people experiencing tragedy on a good day, mock the world on a bad day...and...all for a quick personal laugh that no one else finds funny.....

            Schadenfreude. 

Don't Make Me Laugh

    I'm not laughing. Because it's not funny. None of this is funny to me. Then again, I've lost family through this ordeal and have had other losses that have hit close to home. So to me, it really isn't something I can mock even for the sake of hating evil. I can't bring myself to laugh about any of this, for the sake of what I find ethically disturbing. Even though I refuse to take the side of negativity and want to speak the truth, I don't find it hard to understand that there's no conflict of interest here. I just have one thing to say for the type of people who mock tragedy..

But I think it may be best to let violence speak first. 

The kind of violence where it is the mouth that causes itself to get into trouble. 

Won't be so funny when they're mocking someone who throws a punch...And that's where people are increasingly going, as they feel increasingly disregarded and forgotten..even murdered. 

    And so here it is. 
My final thought for the turn of the new year. 

Most of what I put is an emotional rant, but so is this blog. 

The solution I have is to not behave in the mannerism in which my anger dictates. But it also means that I shouldn't think of myself as needing to interfere with anyone's business; because I'm not a good judge of their circumstances even on a good day. 

    What I didn't talk much about is what I will do within my own personal endeavors such as my art. That is a bit too specific of a thing to not get emotionally excited about. So I'm resolved with what I have talked about so far, as I will continue this concept in detail within the other blogs over the next few weeks.

        To everyone, godspeed.